Wednesday, September 3, 2003

Somehow this is always the time I'm ready to write. When I'm starting to feel tired and should be in bed. When I can taste how this sleepy feeling I'm going into is going to hold on to me as I try and crawl out of it in the morning.

My buddy Jay IMed me this afternoon saying I needed to download the song "Just Like That" by Marc Broussard. Consequently I've been listening to it over and over ever since. It's got a fantastic bluesy vibe in which sadness and hurt and anger and strength are all conveyed. I dig it. Pretty good for the white blues.

In another life I think I was a strong-willed woman. It's the only way I can explain why I'm so drawn to and enthralled with music by artists like Tori Amos, Ani DiFranco, Rilo Kiley, and Fiona Apple. I find their ability to convey such moving strength in conjuction with honest hurting to be amazingly attractive. I don't know what that means, but I've often wondered if I'm attracted to the emotionally damaged. I hope not, but I just wonder.

People have been asking me how my doctor's visit went. Fanfuckingtastic. According to several blood tests and a urine test, I'm in perfect shape. It's a good thing that I don't have Mono or any other virus but then what the hell is making me tired all the time?!

In a dream I had last night I was backstage before a performance of a play called Moon Over Buffalo that I had the lead role in during my senior year of high school. But it was now and we were performing it again and I had to try and remember all my lines in the few minutes I had before the curtain opened. And somehow I did remember some, they started coming back. In the dream I was looking at the actual script for reference. But some of those words were right. I still remembered. Which was weird to think about in the shower and then in the car on the way to work. Those lines were stored away in my brain, forgotten about until my subconscious tapped in. Makes me wonder what else is in there and how I can get to it.

It's past midnight now. That's my cue.

Both Charlie and Josh are all about the Ralph Waldo Emerson quotation, "Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis."

Emerson knew.