Thursday, September 18, 2003

I don't know how I feel about this. I was driving yesterday, waiting to turn out of a shopping center and I witnessed a guy on a motorcycle crash his bike and go flipping/somersaulting over it. My jaw dropped. Thinking, "Did I just see that?!" But the emotion in question was the tinge of dissapointment when he stood right up, seemingly unharmed, awkwardly and embarassingly picking up his bike and trying to re-mount. Something inside of me wanted it to be more macabre. Should I be disturbed that I didn't find my want for woe disturbing in the first place? It definitely stuck with me all day yesterday.

Diet Dr. Pepper really does taste more like regular Dr. Pepper. I've just now found this out. I hate diet soda. This is a job well done.

I got new JBL speakers for my G5 and they are nothing short of incredible. Four tweeters and a subwoofer. The music carries through me sitting at my desk. Things like this make me happy. Really happy. One of my life's most meaningful songs is "Just" by Radiohead. Right now that song is reverberating through my very soul.

I haven't cut my hair in 6 months. It's not my record of 8, but it's still pretty long. Every day I get the urge to go at it with scissors myself and then just shave the rest off. But I wouldn't do that right now. It'd be fun though. My hair's a conundrum. When I was little it was blonde and completely straight. Over the years it got gradually more wavy and with more red in it (who knows where from, there are no other redheads in my family). Puberty made my hair really curly. Now my hair is mostly dark red, partly brown, and then black around the ears. I can't do anything with my hair except grow it out and then cut it off and start over. The whole afro thing is a great novelty to everyone else, but I generally like it short. But my ears, though small, stick out, so then I look like a monkey. I used to hate my hair, but I realized that most people hate their hair and let it be. Besides, I've had complete strangers come up to me and say that they absolutely love my hair (girls and even some guys) on countless occasions. So I'm very...whatever about it.

Music is my life force. But what if I did something else with my life? I want music to be my life, but I feel so obliged to be a humanitarian and give back for what I've been given in what I often feel can be a sick, twisted, and selfish world. Especially in our country where we are so wasteful, unable to live simply so that others can simply live. I wanted to do Americorps after college, but I can't because of my record label - it would go under if I left for a year or two. I've also thought about working for Amnesty International. Or perhaps going to grad school and studying sociology and trying to find out why people do the things we do to each other. But still, I'll watch the rehearsal of one of the bands on my label and feel so perfectly lost, so immersed in the moment and the power of that music, that I'm infinitely sold. At least I have options and I have a clean conscience.

I'm terrible at going to bed early.