Sunday, October 5, 2003

I'm sitting at a desk. Staring at a screen. All out of breathe. Wanting to scream. Chock full of passion. Plumb out of words. Lacking direction. Completely unsure. Don't know if I'm angry. Don't think that I'm sad. Felt kinda uneasy. With the weekend I had.

Lame, but got the gears moving.

Some people, and perhaps they're undeserving, but they make me feel tiny without trying. Something in the way that they express happiness and sadness and anger and confidence and confusion and the spectrum of emotion gets me. These people don't even know that they do this. They're just living their lives, and I watch from both near and far, completely in agony. I don't want to be these people I just feel less and less with each encounter.

This is all not coming out right tonight. I think it's forced. But I'll leave it up anyway.

At least I'm starting to cry again. I need to cry with someone. I don't have the balls to be strong or weak in person it seems. I just float in the vapid neutrality of getting to the next day's event unscathed, unaffected.