Thursday, May 16, 2002

I'm sitting in my room, at my very poorly lit desk, typing on my laptop that I somehow managed to make work again, and using free internet that I didn't think worked anymore. The candle burning in the background mixed with the smell of the air conditioner smell makes me feel calm while Box Car Racer plays on my stereo (Something Corporate's Leaving Through The Window just finished.) Things are as they should be. I had my first day of my internship with MCA Records today and it went well and was exciting; I'm going to enjoy it.

I still feel a little sick, but not as bad as I did two days ago. Just a little sore throat left.

Many of my friends are not here, or are busy, or something. But it will be a great summer, I am determined. First I must get out of this house, it's beginning to haunt me. Memories of why I have nightmares about things in it at least once a week.

I almost cried the other day, I had multiple times when I felt on the verge of some sort of breakdown. I think my walls I built this semester grew strong, but some of the foundations were pulled out and I feel wobbly every so often. And then there's that desire to break down - to let it all go and admit to your own weaknesses and feel the tears wash away the knots inside your stomach.

Oh yeah. With all of the craziness of this semester, I somehow managed to get the best grades thus far in college. Two A's, two A-'s, and a B. That's a 3.67. I'd feel better about doing so well all around if I didn't feel as though it was expected.

I love when songs make you feel as though you could reach out of your bedroom window and someone else would be there, reaching out of their window, and you could hold each other's hand, and feel the summer midnight air whispering into your soul the secret you long to hear.

Download the song "There Is" by Box Car Racer (the album comes out next Tuesday). It's acoustic, and it's wonderful.