Monday, November 12, 2001

I'm gonna start this thing by saying my computer has far too many f-ing fatal errors. FUCK YOU COMPUTER.

I had some stuff written, and then I had a fatal error. I have at least 3 a day. It's really aggravating. But this is not fun to read.

So this is a blog, as they call it. It's easier for me to write, so be happy, you voracious reader, for you will have more to read now.

So I haven't written anything in nearly 7 weeks. 41 days to be exact. SO much has happened, but I really don't feel like relaying all of it in writing. That kind of time and energy don't visit often. Therefore, I'll start from today, and I'll fill in detail as necessary.

This past weekend, I went to the wedding of my cousin Terri. With her married, that only leaves my brother Tom and myself left unwed of all the cousins. So it's gonna be a while before the Burnett family congregates for a wedding again. Her wedding was awesome, though, as Burnett weddings always are. It was in Indianapolis, Indiana, and I drank tons, danced tons, and had many great drunken conversations. I love seeing my family, cos they're incredible, fun-loving people.

So to today. I was having a very interesting dream, and my alarm going off pissed the hell out of me, cos the dream and my memory of it vanished. Needless to say, the day started off on a down beat. Classes consisted of a yearning for their end, and I found my mental health stabbed at by a sense of empty urgency that was only furthered by the plane crash in Queens, New York. Thankfully, much of that was soothed by the sight of Megan (the new, amazing, girlfriend) twice on my way to classes and meetings. Later I stopped by her apartment to hang out while she took a break from work, and she worked her charm on me--making me all gushy and losing my heavy thoughts and attitude for a while.

We have a DVD player in the apartment now, and I am SO psyched. I love movies--they're such an escape. I think I try too hard to make my life a movie. Perhaps that's why I am ALWAYS listening to music - cos it's my personal soundtrack. Just like music accentuates the feelings and emotions in a scene in a movie, the music I listen to as I walk along, or drive, or sit around makes my emotions seem more real. I know movies seem more real to me than my own life does. Maybe I should work in movies, cos then no matter what, part of my life would be in the movies, and therefore "real" in my eyes.

I have to give a speech tomorrow. It's gonna be about 2 minutes from JFK's Inaugural Speech. Should go well. I'm doing well in that class. My dad is an amazing speaker, so I have some of those genes. My dad was even at JFK's Inauguration, so perhaps genetically I have a little bit of insight into doing this speech. Or I'm just talking out of my ass.

This is getting long, dammit.

I have such a burning desire for life, and yet so much of my life is filled with nothing. Perhaps that's what Jerry Seinfeld felt like, and decided to make something out of his nothing and get millions off of it. I do not mean to say that I have nothing in my life, because that is terribly untrue; however, in my own time, outside of the people in my life and the things that occupy my time, I so often feel nothing. I'm unblissfully neutral, without any drive one way or another. I have a great desire to create, and don't have any idea where to start. I feel like I'm being asked to paint from a palette of all white, and only later will the actual colors appear, but I must decide now how those transparent colors are to be arranged.

Eh. Enough. I've realized that I must have some sort of Seasonal Affect Disorder, but with that in mind, and with my friends and family, I can get through it. I don't spend so much time alone anymore, which is good.

So, on to John F. Kennedy.