Consistency

Wednesday, July 5, 2006

I struggle with doing anything consistently. Being inconsistent is probably one of the most consistent things about me.

I tried to write about the road trip I recently took to Boston. I got one day, and then never got back to doing it. Each day I was too preoccupied doing something different.

I've had a revelation lately about my undeniable need for goals and lists. Some people need them to feel a sense of anal-retentive joy so that their lives can be categorized and more easily understood (and to some extent I imagine that I need that too) but I think my need for goals and lists is more of a necessity for self-regulation. I've found that outside the constructs of school or living with my parents I lack drive. I don't lack the desire to get things done or the willingness to get things done, but rather, I lack the actual fire under my ass that says "hey it's time to move." Far too many of my days have begun with a general inclination of what I would like to accomplish only to be replaced by indescribable hours of doing god knows what unaware of the passing of time. There may be any number of things I get accomplished but without any sort of list, my day ends without me feeling as though anything has been accomplished and any sort of direction I was headed in gets bent.

Self discipline is far more important and difficult than I would ever have (previously) admitted.